WHERE’S THE SARNIE SANDY?

Unprovoked sandwich snatch causes panic on ‘crime-free’ Scillonian isle.

An idyllic island’s tourist industry is in tatters today after a local canine terrorized a couple of holiday makers, stealing their sandwiches and leaving them scared and hungry. As the news spread across the tight knit community of the Isles of Scilly, the normally quiet heliport has been a hive of activity, as people desperately try to leave the island. Mrs Sheila Pool, a 42 year old orthodontist from Torquay, said: ‘My children love it in Scilly– but they love their sandwiches more. It’s just not safe here any more.’

The sarnie snatcher is known locally as ‘Sandy’ and is believed to be a golden retriever, although according to an eye-witness the dog ‘was very large, and might have been a small child in a dog costume.’

The victims of the crime, a Mr and Mrs Mellowbank from Surrey, have been left scarred by the incident. According to Mr Mellowbank, a retired piano tuner, the couple had just enjoyed a delightful but exhausting morning’s walk when they decided to rest at Bant’s Carn, an ancient village and well-known beauty spot on the island.

‘Mildred had made some lovely egg and cress sandwiches that morning, and I had been fantasizing about them for about an hour.’ Devastatingly for Mr Mellowbank, just as he was about to pop the tasty lunchtime snack into his mouth, a great mass of fur and saliva arrived on the scene. ‘The next thing I knew, the sandwich had disappeared. My poor wife was screaming but there was nothing we could do.’

Mr and Mrs Mellowbank watched in disbelief as ‘the monstrous mongrel’ bundled off, bits of cress hanging from its dewlaps. The hapless couple called to a woman who appeared to be with the dog but, according to Mrs Mellowbank, she put on a funny voice and said she’d ‘never met the dog in her life.’ The Mellowbanks were left visibly shaken, with little prospect of finding food, stuck, as they were, on the far reaches of the island. ‘I’ve never felt so hungry in my life, apart from when I did that sponsored fast for Oxfam,’ said Mr Mellowbank.

Police are desperate to capture the dog before it strikes again. They are also keen to interview the woman seen at Bant’s Carn.

Locals are hoping the ‘shaggy sarnie snatcher’ can be caught before the tourist industry on St Mary’s is irrevocably damaged. Meanwhile, compassionate Scillonians are organising a whist drive to raise funds for replacement sandwiches.

(The dog in the photo is played by an actor)

Alison

(Comment from Able Assistant Steve.  This is NOT fiction. Some details have been changed or even made up, but sandwiches on Scilly are not safe from predatory hounds.)