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Real Scots Porridge

Yes I am Scottish, and yes I have not actually written any recipes myself yet, so I felt I had better write something. This is a very simple "recipe" and it is my web site so I decide what qualifies.

serves 1
Prepared and cooked in under 5 minutes

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup porridge oats
  • 2 cups milk/water. You can make with 2 cups of water, or of milk or a mix of each to suit. The milkier it is the stickier it is, I think.
Optional:
  • Jam
  • Sugar OR salt to taste
  • Extra milk for serving

Instructions - traditional method

  1. Put oats and liquids into a pot.
  2. Heat on a medium heat, stirring occaisionally
  3. When the top seems to bubble away like the top of a volcano, despite stirring, it is ready.
  4. Serve into a bowl immediately. You can now add anything you want to add now, e.g. jam (stir it in) or salt or sugar. If it is too hot, you can either stir it vigorously blowing ineffecually until its edible or add more milk.
  5. Soak the pot in water immediately after serving before the oats weld themselves on and you need to spend the next month cleaning it. Alternatively, buy a new pot everytime.

Instructions - microwave

  1. Put oats and liquids into a microwavable bowl.
  2. Heat on full power (800W) for 2 minutes
  3. Stir and heat for another 2 minutes
  4. Serve. This saves the need to use (and therefore wash) the pot.
I have never made it with salt and tend to make it with more milk than water, but I have lived in England for a few years now so am becoming soft. I think that macho posturing had to stop as soon as I created a cookery web site though.

For the real BraveHeart experience use no milk, sugar or jam. Just oats, water and salt. Serve after taking a cold shower and before heading out into the cold and rain. With no jacket. (Do not even think "umbrella" you English ponce.) Loud comments about the tropical weather of London (interspersed with a lot of swearing) are optional.

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